I need something POSITIVE right now!

Ryder has already had his 4 month checkup :) & his shots ):
The doctor said he's 26.18 inches long (81 percentile) and he weighs 15.1 lbs (40 percentile).
All this time I thought he getting too chunky. Well, really, that was stemmed from the doctor we saw last time who said he was too big. lol Either way, I LOVE my little man. He's perfect to us & Heavenly Father... that's all that matters!
I feel like the worlds worst mom though. Lately, I have had to spend a LOT of time working on my resume, searching for jobs & applying (which is a REALLY long process these days). Therefore, my little monkey has had to spend a lot of time laying on the floor playing with his toys. I'm sure he doesn't mind, but I definitely do! I would much rather spend my time playing with him, but unfortunately I need to find a job. SO far, NOTHING has come from my hours of work. It's starting to really upset me because we need the money. Vegas is breaking our savings REALLY quick. Not to mention, we will be moving in a couple of months & I need a job lined up there. I figured maybe having my CNA would really help me out. If I would have just gotten it in HS like I wanted. HAH! But my family said golf was more important for college. I think back on some of my advice & laugh. A few things have really screwed me over. But I won't go into that right now... Finding an OPEN CNA program right now is ridiculously hard. The one thing that I thought would give me a little hope in this move isn't working out for me so far. I'm really praying that someone drops out of the program at CSN or that I can get into the accelerated program or that I can find a job both here & in Logan. I'm asking for a lot huh?! Sadly, this whole thing has me really down and depressed. I feel like a loser for not being able to find a job worth a darn or get into a CNA program. I was already told by a college that my GPA was too low for a competitive spot in a nursing program. Wonderful. I've been trying my hardest to get out of this funk, but it's really hard when nothing positive is happening. I guess I gotta keep on praying?!
Well I guess on a positive side, we found a carseat at a garage sale this weekend for $5! That was a blessing since we really couldn't afford to buy a new one. OH & Ryder monkey likes his new toys that cost me a whole .50! Garage saling (sp?!) is my NEW favorite hobby.

Updates...

Ryder is 4 months old tomorrow. When did my little newborn burrito turn into a curious, smiling, "talkative" infant? Since we decided that going to base everyday for lunch was costing us too much money, Ryder has been extremely bored with me at the house. We play as much as possible, but unfortunately I have to clean the house and do laundry on some days. Last night, we got the brilliant idea to buy him an activity center. He absolutely loves it... and mommy loves it too (: He spent most of the morning playing with the frog, while I did the dishes. Before I knew it, he was ready for a long nap.
I am totally in love with this guy! (:
I was thinking about his baby book today & how empty every page looks right now. Then I thought, "I can't even remember exact dates anymore!" Since I spend everyday sitting at home & on the computer... why not use this blog to keep track of dates? brilliant idea! haha we'll see how well it works for me.

.school.moving.renters.jobs.daycare. these thoughts swarm my brain anymore. Landon is separating from the military for good. He's done in November, which isn't too far away. We are good at making last minute decisions. However, this one is HUGE and extremely stressful. Now, we are debating over Utah State University in Logan UT or University of Utah in Salt Lake City. In Logan, there's family. In SLC, we'll be going at it alone. We came to the realization last night that I'm only going to be able to go part time most likely. That way I can work full time and be able to share in the responsibility of caring for Ryder. Landon can work part time (maybe) & go to school full time... which leaves him with spare time for being Mr Mom. I heard back from Convergys yesterday & have a phone interview on Monday. It's definitely not my dream job or number 1 choice, but I guess I have no choice at this point... Ugh. Stress.